Two ears, one mouth. Figure it out.

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

Spend more time and energy using your two ears, less using your one mouth.

Easier said than done, said Rusty Andrews, who gave the advice at the Human Ecology Winter Faculty Forum this week.

Andrews, K-State’s Human Systems consultant who also teaches in marriage and family therapy, presented three ideas to make teachers better communicators.

1. Listen more. Talk less.

“A teacher’s job is to hear and understand as best you can,” he said. Commonly, a listener spends time planning how to respond to the speaker instead of devoutly listening. That’s normal. We have a desire to help the speaker, he added.

But the dark side is that quality listening is more important.

2. Learn how to respond when you feel you are being verbally attacked.

First, recognize you feel under attack, Andrews said. Second, take a deep breath. This physiologically slows the brain’s fear response cycle and releases tension.

Third, try to be detached. The speaker may have a point.

Remember the speakers emotions are theirs not yours. They don’t have to be yours. You don’t have to engage in the other person’s anger.

Finally, Andrews suggested, ask your attacker “What is making you upset with me?” or “Help me understand what you are feeling.”

It’s hard, the therapist admitted.

3. Understand what to do if you feel like verbally attacking another person.

Don’t, Andrews advised.

Stop and think. This gives the brain a chance to move from anger to rationality, he said.

Andrews added another piece of advice: stay away from e-mail. Do not communicate on emotional topics via e-mail. “I think computers should be set to not send messages when the sender is angry,” he said.

Sally Bailey, PhD and associate professor in speech communication, theater and dance, and her graduate students presented interactive skits to illustrate both talking and listening.

Robert Garcia, PhD and research assistant professor in family studies and human services, chaired the forum.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 17th, 2008 and is filed under Dean's Blog.